Don’t write copy like a drunken clown
You know you should write fun and casual, right?
Like Ramit Sethi says: “Write like you would talk to a friend on a Friday night in a bar over a couple beers.”
And Neville Medhora warns: “Write wacky. But not too wacky.”
Which means you can have fun while writing. You can crack jokes and even use curse words where it makes sense (also depends on the audience).
But you have to stay on topic.
Going off on a tangent is fine as long as it adds to the message.
But going off on a tangent of a tangent of a tangent? Not so good.
The goal is to educate people and sell them, not to write a bad movie script.
Aka don’t write like a goofy drunken clown.
Care to take a look at how a goofy drunken clown would write?
Okay, I don’t have that kind of sample, but I do have a sample from when I was just starting out as a copywriter. I had only a couple of gigs under my belt, probably haven’t even cracked $1000 but thought I was hot shit for learning from Neville Medhora, so I tried to copy his style.
Take a look at this mess:
“You have a neighbor, right?
Neighbors like to be competitive and to beat each other in every category imaginable. Whether it is a bigger house, a nicer car or more fancy vacations abroad. Sometimes even greener grass in the front yard.
It’s basic human psychology. You don't hate your neighbor but you want to be doing better than him or her, and you are constantly competing against each other.
One night you two drink too much whiskey, talk about dreams and place a bet. Your dream is to become a superstar salesman and he wants to be a pilot. Your are betting on who will be the first to reach the #1 spot in the country - you as a salesman or he as a pilot.
Your neighbor wants to be a pilot so he goes to pilot school. He learns how to fly a plane, how to take off, how to land. And they teach him what every single button in the cockpit does. He can get his private pilot licence in 3 months and it can take him just over 2 years to become an airline pilot. So there is a specific procedure to becoming a pilot. There are things you have to know and things you have to learn to become a pilot.”
Don’t worry, it gets worse….later I talked about machine guns and tennis superstars.
Do you have any idea what I was selling here? Of course not, it’s impossible to get that because I was trying to create a story by going off on a tangent of a tangent of a tangent.
Needless to say the client had no idea what to do with this and requested a full-blown revision.
In the end, we stopped working together because the client was not responsive and did not pay for all my work, but I accept I fucked up because I was writing “too wacky”.
So please beware, that’s where writing like a drunken clown will get you. Good thing I learned my lesson when I was a complete beginner, and stopped acting like I know everything.
Onward.
How about another dumb example? I know you enjoy seeing me suffer, but this one is not mine. It’s from Neville Medhora’s client who also – like me – tried to copy his writing style.
Here’s how it turned out:
“As everyone knows, Hollywood is famous for class, high fashion, and brilliantly beautiful art. This is truer today than ever before. Also, I just bought a time machine and am writing this on my new Remington Portable typewriter. I’m sitting in the basement of a Los Angeles library (I’d tell you where, but I don’t want to attract the fuzz) and drinking a Gloria Swanson, which seems to be some combination of dark liquor and cold, stale coffee, and is named for the starlet who frequents the joint. Prohibition has really…..”
I know what you’re thinking, what the hell is this??
Now, here’s how Neville wrote the email for the exact same product:
The broad I used to date first introduced herself when me & the boys were celebrating a bachelor party.
We had bottles. We had babes. We looked like total high rollers. It was great.
The only thing I regret was the girl I met there. We met when in high roller mode, and it’s not (completely) me.
Now, I don’t only like “hole-in-the-wall” bars, but I DO like a more bar-ish feel than club-ish feel.
It’s just my thaang.
This is when a “friend of a friend of Pete Wentz” dragged me down to Angels & Kings.
I was still bitter I ever went out with “Liked-Me-Because-of-Bottle-Service” Girl….and I presumed the name Angels & Kings actually sounded a bit douchy and didn’t wanna go.
But we went in, and it was weird……
The vibe was definitely more “bar” than “club”…the people were…actually pretty damn cool. Same with the music.
I was vibing with this place AND the people.
I bought a round of “Glad-I’m-Not-Dating-That-Chick-Anymore” drinks and damn near dropped my wallet when the bartender (with cute dimples) handed me the bill…..
“$24 dollars?? Honey, I ordered 6 drinks, you got this wrong.”
She said…
“Yea babe….3 beers and 3 wells right? …that’s right.”
I couldn’t believe this.
Great location, great crowd….and $3 beers and $5 wells? WTF??
Now this is one of my go-to weekend hang outs. Not too divey, not too pretentious.
[The letter went on to talk about the deal people were getting….]
WOW how’s that for a change?
It’s conversational, personal, casual, even wacky…but not too wacky.
Most important: It tells a story that’s fun to read WHILE staying on topic!
Learned your lesson?
Sincerely,
Filip Stanojevic – NOT Writing Like a Drunken Clown Anymore